Merchandising Rule #1: Think of a catchy product title…or blatantly steal one from the nearest magazine rack.

Clamor finds itself in a sobriquet squabble with the latest miracle dietary additive. The makers of CLAmor spray (apparently “conjugated linoleic acid” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue) promise weight-loss results in as little as 4 weeks. Just pick from a selection of four flavors (butter, garlic, olive oil, or plain– mmmm…plain!), douse your dinner in delicious, clinically-manufactured enzyme inhibitors, and watch the fat melt away! Shockingly, the product really takes off the pounds “when combined with a healthy lifestyle including a low-fat diet and regular exercise.” Hell, so do Arby’s mozzarella sticks and Krispy Kreme Donuts.

Even as its title is usurped, Clamor actually has the chance to capitalize on a golden marketing opportunity. Imagine the cross-promotional tie-ins: subscribe to the magazine, and enjoy a 30-day complimentary supply of the diet spray (choose your own flavor!); with any purchase of a CLAmor product, enjoy 10% off the magazine subscription (the balance, of course, not to be included in the spray’s money-back guarantee). With this revolutionary “Clamor” line, the demands of the nation’s progressive fad-dieters will no longer remain unheard!

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 21st, 2005 at 7:52 pm by Intern. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.